Home
by McDiggin'It
Summary: It doesn't matter where she is or who she's with. At the end of the day, he'll always be her home. Mordern MERGANA.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Home

Summary: It doesn't matter where she is or who she's with. At the end of the day, he'll always be her home. Mordern MERGANA.

A/N: Kind of a stupid summary, but I've seriously run out of creative summary ideas. But anyway, I hope you guys like the chapter! Thanks for reading!

-McDiggin'It

…

Chapter One:

…

Merlin is almost convinced that his best friend has been evicted or something. Why else would she show up every night to his flat, just to sleep in his bed? It's a Saturday, and he checks his watch as he sips his tea and leans against the kitchen counter. Like clockwork, his doorbell rings at exactly 8:25p.m. The blue-eyed man grins as he sets his warm cup of tea down and walks out of the kitchen, through the hallway, and to the door. Pulling it open, he smiles widely as Morgana's face comes to view.

Her pale skin is flush from the cold, her hair is sprinkled with snowflakes, and her eyes are a dark green now.

Merlin quirks an eyebrow at her and folds his arms across his chest. "Seriously, Morgana. Just say you're homeless and I'll let you move in." he says jokingly.

Morgana rolls her eyes and lightly punches his arm. "Are you going to let me in or not?"

Merlin takes a step back and lets her pass in front of him as he shuts the door and follows her into the den. He hides his smile as Morgana stops by the couch, turns, and grins widely at him. "You made me tea."

He shrugs, "I figured that since you practically live here now, I'd go ahead and make you a cup so you'd feel right at home."

Morgana chuckles lightly as she shrugs out of her coat, handing it over to Merlin's outstretched hand, and then taking a seat on the comfortable couch as Merlin goes to hang her coat in the closet by the kitchen entrance. "Thank you, Merlin." she says with a smile as she picks up her cup of tea and takes a sip. She closes her eyes and groans as the hot liquid begins to warm her almost immediately.

Merlin snorts as he crosses the living room and plops down beside her with a grin. "You've thanked me a thousand times within the past week, Morgana. I told you, what's mine is yours, so you don't have to thank me."

The green-eyed girl rolls her eyes as she scoots in closer to her best friend's side, leans against his chest, pulls her feet up beneath her, and relaxes into Merlin's warmth. She will probably never admit it to Merlin, but every single time she's close to him like this, she feels like she belongs there.

Merlin instinctively wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, laying his head on top of hers as they both enjoy the companionable silence.

Suddenly, Morgana sits up quickly and looks at Merlin with wide eyes. "Guess who I bumped into today!"

Merlin's eyebrows furrow for a second. "That's not a very fair thing to make me do. We know about six-thousand people, Morgana."

His best friend rolls her eyes at that. "You and your technicalities... just say you give up."

Merlin huffs and shrugs his shoulders at her. "Fine. I give up."

Morgana grins widely as she turns and sets her cup back down on the coffee table before turning back. "Nelson."

At this, Merlin's eyebrows furrow again in confusion. "Nelson?" he shakes his head. "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Exactly!" Morgana laughs. "It's the one guy you don't know!"

Merlin looks further confused. "I don't even know what that's supposed to mean."

Morgana huffs, "You've known every man I've dated before I even met them, right?"

Merlin nods slowly. "Yyyyyeah. I believe so."

"Well I've finally found a guy who you _haven't_ met!"

This makes Merlin frown. "I'm not sure I'm following."

"He asked me out!"

Merlin has no idea why, but his heart suddenly sinks at her revelation. "Oh… he did?"

"Yes." Morgana nods with a wide smile.

"And uhhh— what did— what did you say?" Merlin stammers and silently curses himself for it.

"Well I said yes, of course!" Morgana says excitedly. "He's tall, dark, handsome, has light brown eyes, and quite possibly the healthiest hair I've ever seen on a man."

Merlin frowns even harder and looks down at his lap. "Really." it comes out a bit more nonchalant than he intended. Not that he actually intended to sound interested. "Where did you meet this… Nelson?" he inwardly cringes at the way he says the guys name in such distaste.

Morgana doesn't notice as she blushes, "I actually met him at work."

"At the firm?" Merlin asks incredulously. "Isn't there a no-dating co-workers policy?"

Morgana nods, "Yes… but he's not a co-worker."

Merlin immediately knows where that leaves Nelson. "He's a client." he states.

Morgana nods again and bites her lip. "He's really nice."

"What's his case?" Merlin questions curiously.

Morgana hesitates for a long moment before sighing, "His ex-wife is accusing him of abuse… and infidelity."

Merlin's eyes widen as he looks at his friend. "Morgana, those are serious accusations. Not to mention, they're not very endearing qualities."

"Well I don't think he did those things. I think his ex-wife is lying so she can get custody over their son."

"They have a son?!" Merlin flies out of his seat as he bellows incredulously at her. "Jesus Christ, Morgana… This guy is divorced with a kid, cheats on his wife, and beats her too?!"

"He didn't do it!" Morgana argues. "I know him."

"For how long?!" Merlin exclaims. "Like a week?"

"Two! And you haven't met him, Merlin… If you did, you wouldn't think he did those things either." She pauses and looks down. "He's really nice."

Merlin groans loudly, "They're _all_ nice! Alvarr, Howard, Sean, Ken, and even Jerry the weirdo, were _all_ nice when you first met them! And where the bloody hell are they now?" Merlin asks rhetorically. "I'll tell you where they are, Morgana. They're no longer in your life!"

"Well what am I supposed to do?!" Morgana yells at him. "Am I supposed to just push away every man who wants to be with me? Am I supposed to stay single for the rest of my life?"

Merlin sighs heavily as he stares at her. "Of course not… but that doesn't mean you have to jump at every chance that presents itself… Sometimes you have to sit back and think about your options."

"Well maybe I don't have options, Merlin! I'm 2 years short of 30 with no husband in sight. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you're the main reason why I'm single!"

"What?!" Merlin bellows angrily.

"Oh, don't deny it Merlin! You kept trying to talk me out of relationships with anyone I showed interest in!"

"Because I knew those people and what they're like!"

"And that's exactly why I'm choosing Nelson!"

Merlin feels his heart sink even further at that. It's an odd and unfamiliar feeling. He has known Morgana for 14 years. They met in High School when they were both in their 1st year, and they instantly clicked. Of course, he thinks she's absolutely beautiful. But he had never really thought about ever dating her, except for the rare occasions when he's drunk. Other than that, he had been the perfect male best friend. He's there for her whenever she needs him, and he always looks out for her. Especially when it comes to the douchebag boyfriends in her life. The same goes for Morgana whenever it came to the girls in _his_ life.

But recently, he's been feeling these weird feelings towards her. Feelings that he had felt for his ex-girlfriends, but intensified by a hundred. As he stares at her from the other side of the couch, his heart sinks even further. She's his best friend… and more than anything else in the world, he wants her to be happy. So he nods and backs down. "I just don't want to see you hurt, Morgana."

Morgana nods to him, "I know… but it's not your job to worry about me, Merlin."

He nods too, knowing that she's right. "I know… but it doesn't stop it."

They decide to watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. Morgana gets comfortable in his arms, smiling and laughing along with the movie. Merlin stays silent, trying not to react to every sound, sigh, and movement she makes. It's hard to not just grab her by the shoulders and just snog her, but he resists anyway. He would much rather have her in his life and let her unknowingly hurt him by dating whoever she wants, than to not have her in his life at all.

…

A/N: I could be cruel and leave this story like this, angsty and all… but sadly, I'm not cruel. This'll be a 2-shot or 3-shot. So for the reviewers who requested a modern Mergana fic, this is for you guys! Hope you all like this first chapter. I will do my best to update as soon as possible. Thank you all for reading, and please let me know what you think of this!

-McDiggin'It


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Home

...

Chapter Two:

...

He watches from the sidelines as she goes on date after date with Nelson the "Pilot". They've agreed that he doesn't need to meet Nelson... okay, he _insisted_ that he doesn't need to meet Nelson. It has been two months and Morgana won't shut up about all the great things and deeds her new boyfriend has done. Apparently, the man can do anything.

Honestly, Merlin thinks it's all bogus. The stories about saving the baby seals, killing a Great White shark with his bare hands, delivering a newborn lion cub into the world... all of it! He's drawing the line at the story about feeding 500 starving penguins during his trip to Antarctica. First of all, where the bloody hell does he find time to do this? And second, what the bloody hell was he doing in Antartica?! No one on this entire planet is _that_ great, no matter who the bloody hell he is!

Merlin bites back a groan as his best friend goes on about Nelson's latest achievement. "...and then he told me that he saved the little girl from the burning building by jumping out the window." Morgana gushes and smiles at him.

"And neither he, _or_ the little girl had injuries?"

"Not a scratch."

Merlin rolls his eyes and wonders aloud. "Do you actually hear what you're saying?"

Morgana's eyebrows furrow at him. "What- you don't believe me?"

"Oh, I believe you. I don't believe _him_ and all the lies he's telling you."

She glares at him angrily. "They're not lies."

"Oh, come on!" Merlin gets up from his seat on his couch. "He fed 500 starving penguins?!"

"It's possible!"

"Five-hundred starving penguins?!" Merlin asks incredulously with wide eyes. "Why the bloody hell are 500 penguins starving in the middle of the ocean? There are literally billions and billions of fishes in the sea! And who the hell does he think he is? Jesus?!"

His best friends face contorts into fury as she too gets up from her place on the couch. "What is going on with you?!" She asks incredulously.

"Nothing! What's going on with _you_? You don't see how many lies this guy has fed you? You're not a starving penguin, Morgana. Wake up and look at the facts."

"What facts?!" She yells.

"He's a liar and he's using you to win his stupid case!"

Morgana's nose flares as she breathes heavily and stares at him. "Why do you hate him so much?"

Merlin scoffs, rolling his eyes as he folds his arms across his chest. "Quit avoiding the truth, Morgana."

"Quit avoiding the question, Merlin." She shoots back venomously.

"He's a liar!"

"Why are you so sure he's lying?!"

Merlin wants to shake her until she wakes up from this ridiculous dream she's got going on, but he doesn't. He just stares disapprovingly at her. "He's poisoning your mind, Morgana."

"Oh, kind of like what you're doing right now?" She fires back.

"What?"

She scoffs, "You're the one who's trying to poison my mind against Nelson." She says harshly. "Instead of being happy for me, you're jealous."

Merlin's eyes widen as his heart stops beating for a moment. Had she known about his feelings? Does she know how bitter he feels every time she talks about her stupid lying boyfriend? Did she figure out why he's acting the way he is? He doesn't know. "Morgana, I- it's not like that-"

"No," She says sternly with a shake of her head. "I know exactly what it's like. You can't stand to see me spending so much time with someone, and I'm no longer here all the time."

"Oh." Merlin almost deflates in relief at that. "Errrr, right." His voice cracks. "That's... yeah, that's what's happening." He lies through his teeth and wonders if she even knows just how much time she spends in his flat. The woman has a bloody dresser in his room, and half the things in his flat are hers! She even has a key!

"Merlin," Morgana interrupts. "You'll always be my best friend no matter what. You'll always be the first person I call or go to when I need help with something... but I can't always rely on you for everything." She looks sadly at him, "So... I think it's best that we both take some time to cool off... away from each other."

"Wait, what?" Merlin's eyes widen. What the bloody hell?!

She looks away and fidgets nervously with her hands. "Nelson doesn't like the fact that I spend so much time with you."

He wants to spontaneously combust. He wants to yank his hair out and scream at her to wake the hell up. He wants to go straight to Nelson's flat and beat him to a bloody pulp. But he does none of those things. He values Morgana's friendship too much. So he does nothing but shrug. His jaw clenches tightly as he tries to will his sadness away. "Fine."

"Merlin, I-"

"Just go, Morgana." He doesn't look at her. He looks at the wall on the other side of the living room. "Do what you have to do... it's okay. I'll be fine."

"Okay." Morgana says softly. He watches her collect her purse and phone, and then kiss his cheek before walking out of his flat. His chest aches as the door closes.

As he looks around the living room, he realizes that he's no longer home.

...

Days go by without a single phone call or text between the two. He doesn't mind it when he's at work, but as soon as he walks into his flat, he misses her instantly. It's quiet and empty without her, and almost everything reminds him of her.

When he's in the kitchen, he's reminded of when they're cooking together, or having a food fight. When he's in the shower, he's reminded of her pounding on the door every morning and yelling at him not to use all the hot water. When he's in the living room, he's reminded of how she would curl up into his side while he channel surfs. When he's in his bedroom, her things are everywhere and her scent is in his sheets.

Anyone else would've thought they were married. But they knew what they were and what they would always be. Best friends.

Sighing heavily, Merlin drops his work bag by the door and begins undressing. He's pulling off his tie and shirt, dropping it on the floor as he makes his way to the bedroom. Just as he begins to unbuckle his belt, a sound coming from his living room makes him freeze. He backpedals slowly, and turns, nearly having a heart attack when he sees her, Morgana, standing in the middle of his living room, staring at him with wide eyes.

He's supposed to be angry at her, but in that moment, he couldn't. He's missed her too much. Clearing his throat, he glances into the hallway where he dropped his shirt. It looks too far, and quite frankly, he doesn't care that he's shirtless. When he glances back at Morgana, he sees a strange look in her eyes as they glide over his naked chest before resting for a moment on his groin area.

It's dead silent, neither one saying anything for a long time. Morgana is the one to break first, sighing heavily and running a hand through her hair. "Hi."

"Hey." Merlin manages. He pauses before asking, "what are you doing here?"

Morgana bites her lip and look at her shoes. "I- I don't-" she cuts herself off twice before sighing heavily again and looking at him with an exasperated look. "I miss you."

He stares. On the outside, he seems composed. But he's mentally melting completely into the floorboards of his flat as he stares at her longingly. He doesn't give in though. He knows that he needs time to fully accept the fact that he's never going to be the guy she wants… at least not in the way he wants her to want him. He's always going to be the best friend… might as well be the gay best friend since he's sure that Morgana sees him as only a friend. He digs his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet. "Have you come to get some of your things?" he asks a bit too softly.

Morgana stares at him for a few moments before shaking her head. "I just… I thought I'd stop by and see how you're doing." she shrugs, trying to come off as nonchalant, but her voice gives away her inner turmoil. "Its been a little over a week since we last saw each other."

It's Merlin's turn to shrug and he does so with a very convincing air of nonchalance. "I'm doing fine…" his heart breaks a little at the crestfallen look on her face, knowing that she expected a little more than that. So he adds quickly, "And you?"

She smiles a tiny smile and takes a step forward. "I'm… okay. Thank you for asking."

He nods, all while chanting in his head, _Do Not Give In!_

There's a sudden knock on the door, and Merlin's eyebrows furrow curiously. He wasn't expecting anyone, so… he looks at Morgana. "Did you order food or something?"

She bites her lip, and a nervous look creeps up her face.

Merlin knows that look, and his heart sinks immediately, for he has just figured out exactly who's at his door.

"Actually," Morgana begins softly. "Nelson insisted that he meet you, and… I said okay."

Honestly, he didn't see that coming. And he sure as hell didn't know he could feel such anger and annoyance at Morgana for inviting her boyfriend of all people, to _his_ flat.

"Is that okay with you?" Morgana asks warily.

Merlin's jaw clenches as he tries his hardest not to glare. "It looks like I don't have much of a choice. Seeing as how he's already here." he sighs, shaking his head. "I'm going to change real quick. Let him in." without another word, he walks down the hall and into his bedroom, trying his hardest not to slam the bloody door. He doesn't bother looking for anything nice to wear, only throwing on an old t-shirt, buckling his belt again, and then walking back out of his bedroom and into the living room.

He's not sure what he expected, but the man standing beside Morgana, he hates to admit it to himself, could've been his older brother. The only differences, was Nelson has brown eyes, a longer nose, slightly bigger frame, and like Morgana had mentioned the other day, healthier hair.

"Ah, you must be Merlin." Nelson grins widely, and Merlin instantly regrets ever thinking they had similar features. Nelson had a weird grin that immediately rubbed him the wrong way.

"And you must be the miracle worker." he couldn't resist saying. At Nelson's confused look, he continues, "Morgana has already filled me in on all your… interesting adventures."

Nelson laughs and nods, crossing the room and taking his hand before shaking it roughly. "Ah, yes. I've heard much about you as well."

Merlin's eyes flicker towards his best friend, only to see her biting her lip harshly in that way she does when she's nervous. He mentally shrugs as he looks back to the man in front of him. "Well…" he's not sure where to go from there, and he's not sure he wants to go anywhere from there. He just wants this night to be over already. But for Morgana's sake, he offers to make them all a cup of tea. Nelson looks instantly delighted, and Merlin excuses himself before heading to the kitchen.

He's boiling the hot water when Morgana walks into the kitchen with a faraway look on her face. Usually, he'd immediately go to her, pull her into his arms, and tell her to give him the full story of what's bothering her. But they're not really back to that yet, so he stays exactly where he is and says nothing but stare at her.

"I thought you'd like some help." Morgana says softly.

Merlin stares some more before looking at the pot of water on the stove. "It's just tea."

Morgana nods, then shrugs. "I know… it's just… I— I thought— I mean, I…" she sighs and looks at the floor. "Why are we acting like this?" she asks ever so softly.

It breaks his heart to see her this way, all nervous and fidgety… but he can't bring himself to touch her or say what he really wants to say. It's the only way for him to accept her relationship with Nelson. If he is to move on from these ridiculous feelings he has for her, he has to stay away from her. It's easier said than done, but it _needs_ to be done… for the both of them. He doesn't answer her question. He just shrugs at her.

Morgana runs her fingers through her hair. "I haven't been sleeping very well." she laughs humorlessly. "I guess I've gotten used to sleeping in your bed."

Sighing, Merlin decides to throw her a tiny bone. "Me too."

She nods slowly. After a few long moments of silence, she sighs exasperatedly and looks at him with questioning eyes. "Why did I ever think it would be okay for us to take a break?" she's not asking anyone in particular, but Merlin still answers for her.

"Because your boyfriend doesn't approve of you having another man in your life. Especially one you practically lived with."

Morgana nods again, pursing her lips and staring at him. "He has his final court hearing next week. If we win, he'll have shared custody of his son and…" she trails off, not sure of how to end that sentence.

"And Nelson will introduce you."

"Yeah." she says slowly.

Merlin wants to roll his eyes at that. He's pretty sure there's some sort of rule about lawyers dating their clients because it creates a biased case, but he doesn't say anything about that. He doesn't say anything about how he has a bad feeling about Nelson, and he doesn't say anything about how he thinks he's a pathological liar. What he can and does say is, "Be careful."

"Of what."

Merlin shrugs, "Of everything." Before he can say more, the pot begins bubbling harshly, indicating its boiling temperature. Their conversation ends there when Merlin turns and grabs a tray, placing three teacups in it's center and handing it to Morgana. Like their usual routine, Morgana takes the tray to the living room while he mixes the tea leaves into the pot of hot water.

…

She's not sure what's happening to her, but she's surer than anything else in her life that it's something she never thought would ever happen. She has feelings for her best friend and she's not sure of what to do with them. She's dating Nelson, and he's a great guy… at the same time, she thinks she'll start to lose her mind if she has to keep staying away from Merlin.

And the struggle continues.

…

A/N: I know that I promised a whole lot of updates on my other fics, but I really can't control the way my life is rolling. So I'm putting "The Thief" on a short hiatus (At least until my work schedule is back on track), and I'll be updating "He is Mine" next FOR REAL! As for those of you who sent me story suggestions, I apologize if it takes a little while to get those up. I'm working on them little by little. Thank you so much for reading this, and please let me know what you think.

-McDiggin'It


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Home

...

Chapter Three:

...

The meeting between Merlin and Nelson was as awkward as awkward gets. Morgana sat between the two men, trying not to notice the tension in the room. It was almost deadly quiet until Nelson began asking Merlin questions about his occupation and hobbies. She could tell that Merlin was tense by the way he sat rigidly with his cup of tea in his hands, as well as his tone of voice and his impassive look.

After Nelson had drank all of his tea, he asked to use the loo. Merlin gave him directions, waiting a moment before getting up and going into the kitchen again. Morgana could tell by the sounds coming from the kitchen that Merlin was at his liquor cabinet. She knows he's upset, and she thinks she knows why. Sighing heavily, she gets up and goes into the kitchen as well.

She finds him with his back to her, leaning with his hands on the counter and his head down. To his left, is the bottle of Scotch she remembers he brought 3 weeks ago. She watches him in silence for a few moments before clearing her throat to make her presence known. He doesn't turn around, but he picks up the glass of brown liquid in front of him and takes a large gulp.

"You're angry with me."

He doesn't say anything as he takes another drink.

"I'm sorry... I- I wish I knew how to change that, but-"

"I'm not angry with you, Morgana." Merlin sighs, finally turning to look at her. His expression is pained and his hand is tight around his drink.

She wants to go to him, but she's not sure he's feeling receptive at the moment. "Then why are we acting like we barely know each other."

Merlin shrugs, "I'm not acting like anything. Just having a drink."

"Don't do that." She says in annoyance.

"Do what?" He's taunting her.

"Don't lie to me like I'm stupid!" She whispers furiously.

Merlin glares, "Then stop acting like you're stupid!" Merlin whispers back with equal fury.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" She bellows just above a whisper.

Merlin scoffs, "I'm talking about your lying boyfriend."

"Why are you so convinced that he's lying?"

"Because he is!" Merlin gestures angrily at the hallway. "Do you really expect me to believe all those stories he told you?"

Morgana says nothing. She knows it seems ridiculous, but why would Nelson lie to her? He has no reason to!

"And telling you to stop spending so much time with me?" Merlin laughs humorlessly. "That's rich... the worst part, is that you didn't even disagree with him." He shakes his head and sighs heavily. "I thought our friendship was worth more than that."

"It is." Morgana says sternly. "I _did_ disagree with him and tried to explain that you're just a friend, but he told me that he would breathe better, knowing that I'm not sleeping in another mans bed."

 _God,_ Merlin thinks, _that was an unintentional kick below the belt._ He shakes the pain away, "So he doesn't trust you."

"He- he does. But maybe he's right about us. We're too old to be sleeping together in the same bed."

Merlin's anger is fueled by that. He furrows his eyebrows at her. "When did people's opinions of us ever change our friendship?"

"It doesn't."

Merlin laughs at that, though there's absolutely nothing funny about any of this. "It already did, Morgana."

Tears are beginning to rise in Morgana's eyes as she stares at her best friend. "Your friendship is worth more than anything I have, Merlin."

Merlin looks down at his drink. "Don't lie to me like I'm stupid." He says softly. "If I really meant more to you, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

A mixture of sadness and desperation wars inside her as they stare at each other. She feels like she's beginning to lose him. "What do you want from me, Merlin?" She asks desperately. "Just tell me and I'll try to give it to you."

For a long time, he doesn't answer. Finally, he sighs and knocks back the rest of his drink. "I don't want anything from you." He says hoarsely.

Nelson enters the kitchen suddenly and stares between the two. Merlin turns, putting his glass in the sink.

"Everything alright?" Nelson asks.

Before Morgana could reply, Merlin beats her to the punch. "Morgana isn't feeling well. Maybe you should take her home."

It was at that moment, Morgana realized that she had truly hurt her best friend. And there's nothing she can do about it. Her heart breaks as Nelson wraps an arm around her and ushers her towards the door. She looks over her shoulder, wishing to see Merlin look at her once more, but he doesn't.

...

Days go by slowly for Morgana. It seems like the longer she goes without speaking to Merlin, the longer her days seem to drag on. She misses him in a way she didn't think was humanly possible. It's like she's always missing something, and she spends her entire day thinking about it. When she's with Nelson, she tries her best to feel happy and pay attention to what he's saying, but it's hard. All she can think of, is her best friend.

When she's home, it doesn't feel like a home. The place is unfamiliar and empty. She often finds herself getting into her car and driving towards Merlin's flat. There have been a handful of times when she had actually parked across the street from his flat and watched his window from her car. And too many times, she finds herself in the middle of typing a text to him before she turns her phone off and puts it away somewhere she won't be tempted to just text or call him.

She didn't think this would feel like this. She didn't think it would hurt so much to be away from Merlin. She misses the way he smiles and looks at her, or laughs at her jokes, or playfully pushes her when she makes fun of his ears. She misses his warmth at night when they're in bed together. She misses the way he dances whenever they're cooking together. She misses the food fights and his horrible baking skills. God, she even misses his terrible singing in the shower at 6 in the morning.

Sleeping has been harder to do. When Nelson offers to cuddle with her, it's awkward and uncomfortable. He doesn't lay down the same way Merlin does. He doesn't hold her the way Merlin does. He doesn't talk the same way Merlin does, or even sound the same way either. She ends up just making up a lie about a headache and asking him to leave.

When Nelson brings up the topic of his son meeting her, she tells him that maybe they're rushing. And it's the truth. She doesn't know if she wants things to be that serious between her and Nelson yet... if ever. Usually, she has Merlin to tell her if she needs to slow down or not, but this time, she's on her own.

She wishes she could just ask Merlin for advice. But they're trying that thing where they don't talk for a while until someone breaks. She tells herself that she won't be the one to call first... until she sees him with someone.

She's with Nelson, having dinner at an Italian restaurant a few blocks from her flat when she hears him. Merlin. It's only a chuckle, but she recognizes it instantly. Her eyes dart around the restaurant, trying to find him, but she doesn't see him. At first she thought she was hearing things, but then she hears him laugh again, this time accompanied by another, different and feminine laugh. She makes up an excuse to go to the restroom, and hurriedly leaves the table to walk around the restaurant.

Finally she sees him, sitting on the other side of the wall where she'd just been sitting with Nelson... and he's not alone. Her eyes narrow dangerously at the girl he's with, sizing her up and trying to contain her anger... no, not quite anger. It's a little more bitter and a lot more disturbing than anger. _Could it be-? No! Why would I be jealous of her? She's probably just his coworker or something._ But then the girl leans over and touches Merlin's hand. Morgana sees him blush, and the feeling in her chest curdles and boils. She notices something else after that. The blue scarf around the girls neck, is hers… well, not exactly hers. She bought it for Merlin two years ago as a birthday gift, along with some cologne, and a new watch. The same watch that he's still wearing.

Morgana tries not to read too much into why the girl he's with is wearing his scarf, but it's nearly impossible. He had never given any of his past girlfriends his clothes or anything of the sort. _I had been the only person to ever wear his shirts, or hoodies, or sweatpants! So who the hell is this girl and why does she have Merlin's scarf on her?!_

Morgana finally breaks. Making her way into the restroom, she takes out her phone and calls Merlin for the first time in 3 weeks.

He doesn't answer, and she swallows her fear. She calls him again, and thankfully, he answers.

"Hello?"

She can hear the wind roaring in the background, and knows that he excused himself to go outside. She bites her lip, not knowing what to say.

"Hello?" Merlin asks again. "Morgana?"

She stammers, "Yeah- err, hey. Hi."

"Hey." Merlin says slowly, the confusion evident in his voice. "Is everything alright? Are you okay?"

Tears well up in her eyes because it's _so_ good to hear his voice again. God, she misses him. She swallows hard and tries to sound okay, "Of course... I just... I wanted to see how you're doing."

"Oh... errr, right. I'm... I'm doing good. And yourself?"

"Yes. I mean good. I- I'm okay as well." She mentally slaps herself.

"Good. That's... good."

There's a short silence that seems like forever before Morgana asks in a soft voice, "What are you up to?"

There's silence and a sigh before he finally answers, "I'm just having dinner with a friend."

"Oh." She doesn't know what to say then, but she's curious. "Like a close friend? Or..."

"Just a friend." He doesn't elaborate further.

Morgana pinches the bridge of her nose and looks up at the ceiling. She immediately wishes she hadn't, for she finds herself staring up at wads of dried up toilet paper, plastered all over the ceiling. Tearing her eyes away she walks over to the sink and leans against the marble surface around it. "Listen, I was wondering if maybe... maybe we could do something this weekend?" She bites her lip and shuts her eyes as she awaits his answer.

"This weekend?"

"Yeah." She actually crosses her fingers.

He sighs and clears his throat. "I- I can't."

"Oh." She tries not to sound so disappointed, but she could still hear it. "I- are you working late again?"

"No, it's... I have plans... with a friend."

She couldn't help the way her face scrunches up in a frown, or the way her heart sinks, or the way she suddenly feels sick to her stomach. She used to be the only person he ever makes plans with. Now, it seems like she's no longer a part of his life. She swallows her sadness and tries her best to sound nonchalant. "Oh okay." She grits her teeth and clenches her hand into a fist. "That's... that's good."

"Yeah."

"Well, I have to go now, but... I guess I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah... I..." Merlin trails off, and for a moment, hope begins to fill Morgana. Maybe he's going to say something more. Maybe he'll cancel his plans for the weekend and agree to do something with her. Maybe he's going to ask to see her... but all he says is, "I guess I'll see you later or something."

She hangs up and stares at her reflection in the mirror. Tears begin to fill her eyes and flow down her cheeks. She feels ridiculous and pathetic. Her boyfriend is outside waiting for her, and she's in here, pining after her best friend of 14 years. How did she not feel this way until now? How did she not see Merlin as more until now? Why is she still crying?! She sniffles and pulls a paper towel from the towel dispenser before dabbing quickly around her eyes.

The door to the restroom opens, a girl walks in and to the sink beside the one Morgana is using. She doesn't bother looking over, until she catches a familiar blue from the corner of her eye. Turning her head slowly, she sees the girl who was with Merlin at his table.

She knows she should just leave, but she couldn't help herself. Curiosity got the best of her. She smiles politely and leans over a little towards the other girl. "I like your scarf." She manages. "It looks… soft." she finishes a bit awkwardly.

At first, the other girl just stares at her with a confused look, but then her expression changes to delight as she instantly begins to gush. "Thank you. It really is."

Morgana almost couldn't resist rolling her eyes. _I know. I bought that for the man who gave it to you_ , she wanted to say, but decided not to. Instead, she smiles and nods. "Where did you get it?" she asks as non intrusively as possible.

The other girl blushes and presses her face to the side onto the scarf, inhaling its scent. Merlin's scent. "It's actually my boyfriends."

Morgana's heart plummets at that as she stares. "Oh… really." she doesn't really sound interested, because she's really not. Definitely not.

"Well," the other girl says with a tiny laugh, "Not yet… but he _will_ be."

Hope spreads back into Morgana's heart, though she's not even sure why. It's not like she and Merlin could ever be anything. She's with Nelson and he's… well, he's probably going to be with whoever this girl is. Still, she can't help the relief she feels at the fact that Merlin and this girl aren't official yet. "Really?" she asks, now curious as to why the girl thinks that she's going to be Merlin's girlfriend.

The girl nods and turns to look at her own reflection in the mirror. She pushes her breasts together and smiles to herself. "Because I'm going to sleep with him."

If that isn't a kick to the gut, Morgana simply can't deny that the next word the girl says, definitely is.

"Tonight." with a large grin, the other girl turns and leaves the restroom.

Morgana's heart sinks, and her stomach flips. She suddenly runs towards one of the stalls when her dinner threatens to come back up. She has never felt so sick in her entire life.

…

A/N: So I lied. I'm sorry, but instead of a 3-shot, this fic is actually going to have 4 chapters because this chapter is getting a tad too long. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Leave your thoughts!

-McDiggin'It


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Home

…

Chapter Four:

…

She couldn't help herself. No one can help her. To make her night even worse, she gets a call from one of her co-workers at the firm, about Nelson's case. And it was _not_ good news.

When she returns to her table with Nelson, she saw that Merlin and the girl he was with were no longer at their table, so she guesses they left. She refuses to think about what that could possibly mean.

Nelson looks concerned as she takes her seat across from him. Leaning over the table, he says, "You're as white as a sheet."

She doesn't even have to lie when she shakes her head and answers, "I think I just need to get home and get some rest."

For the first time since they started dating, Nelson looks angry. He sighs heavily and rolls his eyes, "We just got here." He says in an aggravated tone.

Morgana doesn't think much of it at first. He's right after all. But she couldn't stand to be there anymore. "I know," she nods. "But I really want to go home." She's trying to keep the tears at bay, but it's useless. Everything is just too much at the moment. She grabs her clutch from the table and walks out.

Nelson follows her out and takes her by the upper arm, pulling her to a stop outside the restaurant. "Damn it, Morgana." He whispers furiously. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

She's taken aback by his sudden change of behavior. He had always been so put together and respectful. "I'm just having a crappy day, Nelson." She says as she tries to pull her arm out of his grasp, but he doesn't let go.

Nelson rolls his eyes, "Can't you for one second, think of what _I_ want?"

"Nelson, what the hell are you talking about?" She asks confusedly. "I told you I'm not feeling well and I just want to go home."

The man actually glares at her. "I've been nothing but patient with you. I've been a great boyfriend. I've kept my word and waited for you to come around. To let me in, but you still treat me like I'm not your boyfriend! We've been together for weeks and you still haven't even let me touch you anywhere beneath your clothes!"

"I told you I'm not ready for that!"

"Then when?! Because it's been weeks, and I feel like I'm never getting closer to getting anything from you!"

Morgana's face reddens in anger. She had never seen this side of Nelson, and she really doesn't like him very much right then. She glares at him. "Is that what this is about? Sex?"

"No, but normal couples have sex all the time!"

She exhales harshly through her nose as she glares at him. "I told you from the beginning that it's going to take time."

"I know, but-"

"But nothing!" She cuts him off sharply. "Nelson, I'm not the kind of woman who trusts easily. Before I give myself fully to someone, I have to trust them with every fiber of my being."

"Are you saying you don't trust me?"

"I don't know, Nelson. Should I?"

Nelson rolls his eyes and scoffs at her. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You haven't told me the truth about everything." She points out.

"What?" He makes a confused face and says, "I've been honest with you!"

"No, you haven't..." she trails off for a short moment before muttering, "and maybe I haven't been honest as well."

"What?" His facial expression changes quickly from confused to angry. "Did you cheat on me?"

"Wha-"

"You did, didn't you? With your best friend!"

"What? No!" Morgana says angrily. "I never cheated on you." She supposes that's not really true. She may not have actually cheated on him, but she might as well have with the way she's been thinking about Merlin all the time.

"Don't lie to me." He whispers furiously. "You fucked him, didn't you?" A look of realization crosses over his face, and Morgana knew that he really believed she cheated. But at this point, she no longer cares what he believes.

"I've kept things from you, but I have never cheated on you, Nelson. I'm not that kind of woman!"

He scoffs, "And I really did all those things I told you I did." He says sarcastically.

Morgana stares. "You lied to me?"

Nelson rolls his eyes at her. "Of course I lied to you!" He snaps, then casts a side glance at a couple leaving the restaurant before turning back to her and whispering. "I was trying to impress you."

She couldn't believe it. Every single thing that Merlin said about Nelson, was true. And she was stupid enough to believe all of it. She finally manages to yank her arm out of his grasp. "Well you're doing a crappy job at that." She says. "I'm leaving." She moves towards the street, but Nelson's hand wraps around her wrist, yanking her back.

She stumbles as she turns to look at him. "Let me go." She says as calmly as she can manage.

"No." Nelson says angrily. "You're not going anywhere until we're done here." His grips tightens so hard, Morgana almost cries out.

"Let me go!" She says indignantly.

Nelson's grip tightens further, his face almost blue with anger. "I will _not_. We're going to go back to my place, and that's final."

Rage fills Morgana. She has been going through hell for the past couple of weeks, and tonight, the man she's possibly in love with is probably going to make love to another girl. And then she received word about some new evidence concerning her boyfriends case, and he wants to keep adding to the list?! Tonight is not a night for Nelson, or anyone in their bloody right mind, to mess with her.

With all her strength, she yanks her wrist out of Nelson's grasp. "So this is what the real you looks like." She laughs humorlessly as tears well up in her eyes again. "Merlin was right about you."

Nelson narrows his eyes at her, "Why the fuck is Merlin even _in_ this conversation?!" He asks angrily. "He's not even important, and quite frankly, I don't know why you're best friends with him. Does he get you off when you're lonely?" He taunts her with a laugh. "Is that all he is to you? A nice fuck while your real boyfriend is waiting for you?" He goes a step further and says, "Because if he's not fucking you, then he's probably gay."

Morgana's anger boils yet again, and without hesitation, she slaps him across the face and glares at him. "You're not even close to being half the man Merlin is."

Nelson gapes at her, having not expected her to actually hit him.

"I'm going home whether you like it or not, Nelson. And you can go to yours." She turns to walk away, but then she remembers the thing she was going to talk about with him later, and turns back to look at him. "Oh, and your case has been reopened. Your ex-wife apparently found a video she forgot she recorded of your anniversary two years ago, in the living room... the night you beat her."

Nelson's eyes widen with fear. "I- I didn't do it-"

"Oh please." Morgana cute him off. "It's a bloody video footage, Nelson! There's no lying out of this one."

He stammers as he looks to her with pleading eyes. Lies. "What- what do I do?"

She doesn't fall for his lies again. She shakes her head at him and says, "I suggest you find a new attorney." With that, she turns and leaves for good.

She cries the whole way home, ignoring the cab drivers concerned looks. She knows she should be crying about Nelson and how he had lied to her, but at this point, she doesn't give a damn about the man. The reason she's crying, is because just a few miles away, in a flat she had called home since the owner purchased it, the man she had been best friends with for the majority of her life, is probably making love to that girl he was with tonight. If that wasn't enough, the skies turn dark as rain begins to pelt the pavement when she gets out of the cab.

The moment she gets to her flat, she drops her clutch, kicks off her heels shrugs out of her soaked coat, and leaves them strewn across her hallway before falling into her bed and letting out a loud, uncontrollable sob.

 _God, I've messed up so badly_ , she thinks. _Not only did I push away the one person who means the world to me, the person I pushed him away for, turns out to be a bloody liar. Merlin was right._ She should've listened. She should've known that the reason her life had always been so great so far, was because of Merlin. He has always been there, from the moment she met him in High school when he had punched her ex-boyfriend for calling her a slut. Memories of their time together begin to flood through her mind, threatening to drown her.

Countless hours studying together for exams, laughters, food fights, sports, watching movies together, sailing together, that one time Merlin got into a car accident and she sneaked into his hospital room to sleep next to him on his small hospital bed- their playful banter and inside jokes, cuddling when it's raining and talking about going outside to dance in it. They never did do that, she realizes sadly.

After an hour of crying and reminiscing, Morgana sits up in bed and looks towards her bedside table at the framed picture atop it. She remembers the day the picture was taken, and the feeling of safety and love that she felt as Merlin wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side. She remembers how she had instinctively wrapped her own arms around his torso, and pressed her face into his chest as the photographer snapped their picture. She remembers the feeling she always has when she's with him. A warm, fuzzy feeling... like she belongs there. Like she's home.

She realizes with a jolt, that she's utterly, hopelessly, and wholeheartedly in love with Merlin. So why is she still sitting there, without her best friend? She rises to her feet and inhales deeply as she closes her eyes. She exhales slowly, before opening her eyes again, and she knows. She knows what she has to do.

...

She's driving as safely and quickly as she can in the pouring rain, mentally preparing herself for what she's about to do and say. She's terrified that he might reject her, but she has to try. She doesn't think about the possibility of him not being alone. She just needs to see him.

Morgana shivers as she stares at the front door of Merlin's flat. The streets are empty, everyone is hiding inside from the rain, and here she is, soaked to the bone, and about to do what could possibly be the riskiest thing she has ever done on her own. She raises her hand to knock and stops, dropping her hand back down to her side. _What am I doing? I have a key! But that girl could be in there with Merlin, and if she is, I really don't want to know what they could be doing._ She inhales deeply and counts to five, before raising her hand again to knock. Just as her knuckles are about to make contact with the wooden door, it swings open, and she freezes.

Morgana's heart plummets, because standing in the doorway, wearing the same dress she wore earlier, is the girl she'd seen with Merlin at the restaurant. Morgana expected this, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. The girl suddenly narrows her eyes at her and says, "You look really familiar." she stares for another few seconds before shrugging. "May I help you?"

Morgana stares, her mouth hanging open, the rain soaking her further, and her eyes filling to the brim with tears. A thousand questions fill her mind. _Why is she answering Merlin's door? Did they do… something?_ Before she could continue further with her thoughts, Merlin steps into the hallway, halfway into putting his shirt on.

He stops dead in his tracks upon seeing her. "Morgana?"

Morgana's swallows down the lump that forms rapidly in the back of her throat before she shakes her head, turns and runs back to her car. She hears him calling her name, but she doesn't stop until she's across the street and standing next to her car. She fumbles with her keys, dropping them and then picking them back up, but the continuous fall of her tears make it extremely hard to see clearly and distinguish which key goes to her car.

"Morgana!"

She can hear him still calling, his voice getting louder and the sound of footsteps splashing through the puddles on the ground getting closer. She manages to find her key and unlock her car, but before she could pull the door open, she feels Merlin stop directly behind her and take her arm. She yanks her arm away, angry at him and angrier at herself for coming here.

"Morgana, stop." Merlin says breathlessly.

She does. She leaves her keys in the door and stares at her car window. He tries again, touching her shoulder gently, and then turning her around to face him. She stares at the ground as her lip trembles because she'll burst into tears if she looks at him.

"Please look at me." Merlin says softly. He raises his hand and takes her chin, tipping her head up so she has no choice but to look at him. It feels so good to be so close to him, and yet… it pains her to be so close to him and not do what she wants to do. She wishes they could just go back to how things were when they were best friends and can't stay away from each other for more than a few hours.

Like she knew she would, she cries. Shaking her head, she tries to turn back to her car, but Merlin stops her yet again, putting his arms around her and resting it on the top of her car. He moves in closer so that he's caging her in, and leans down so that his face is directly in front of hers.

"Look at me." he says again.

Morgana refuses. She shakes her head and turns her face away from his. "Just let me go, Merlin. It was stupid of me to come here."

"No." Merlin says, his tone soft but stern. "I'm not letting you go."

"Merlin—,"

"Not until you tell me why you came here."

She finally looks at him, her eyes turning angry. "Just let me go, Merlin." she goes to shove him off, but he's resilient.

"Tell me why you're here first." he moves in even closer until he's pressed completely against her.

It reminds her of when they would have a food fight in his kitchen, and he would cage her in against the counter to keep her from getting to more food so she could pelt him with it. She's angry, and hurt, and cold, and this isn't how she thought this would go. She doesn't even know how this would go! But seeing him putting his shirt on could only mean one thing. He had already slept with that girl. Whoever she is. She shakes her head and pushes at his chest, but he stands his ground and lets her slam her fists against his soaked, cotton-clad chest. "I hate you!" she cries as she continues to beat his chest with her fists. She continues for a full minute before breaking down and pressing her face into his chest.

She feels him envelope her in his arms, and the immediate feeling of safety and love warms her heart. "Why are you here?" Merlin whispers into her hair.

She finally breaks as she pulls away and stares up into his stupid, blue, beautiful eyes. "Because I need you!" she says angrily. "The whole time I was away from you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I've been losing my mind little by little, every moment that I was away from you." her voice breaks at that last part and she shakes her head. "And I didn't realize how much I needed you until I lost you."

Merlin makes a confused face and he touches her cheek gently. "Morgana, I don't care what goes on between you and me. I don't care if you hate me and never want to see me again. You, will never lose me." he whispers. "You mean the world to me."

Morgana frowns, "What about that girl? It looks like you already have someone." she says pathetically, casting her eyes away again.

Merlin leans forward, picking her chin up and staring into her eyes. He smiles and shakes his head. "Nothing happened between me and that girl."

Morgana sniffles and regards him skeptically. "You were shirtless." she points out.

He nods. "Yeah. I was… And I was _going_ to sleep with her." he sighs and looks over his shoulder at his flat, then back at her. "But I couldn't."

Morgana stares, confused. "Why?"

He sighs, "Every time I kissed her. Every time I touched her. Every single bloody time I looked at her, all I could think about, all I could feel, and all I could see…" he shrugs as if it were obvious. "… was you."

Morgana's eyebrows furrow in confusion as hope begins to spread back inside her chest. Is it possible that he actually feels the same way? "You mean… you're—,"

"I love you, Morgana… I think I've always loved you from the moment I met you. And it took losing you to Nelson for me to realize that."

Her heart beats wildly against her chest as she stares at him through her tears. H _e loves me… He loves me! Omigodhelovesme!_ "Are you sure?" she asks, then mentally slaps herself. _Why would you ask such a stupid question!?_

Merlin chuckles as he takes her hand and lays it over his chest, above the place where his heart beats. "More than anything."

"Nelson is…" she trails off and shrugs, "No more."

He doesn't ask. He just stares at her. "That's why you're here?"

She shakes her head and looks at him fully. "I'm here because I've been wanting to come here everyday since the day I chose that lying son of a bitch over the only person who means the world to me."

Merlin actually laughs softly. "So you're…" he pauses and looks down at his soaked shoes. "You don't love him?"

She shakes her head. "I never did."

"And me?" he looks up shyly at her. "Did you never love me either?"

Morgana supposes she deserves the pull at her heartstrings when he gives her that bloody innocent, puppy-dog look, and asks her in that innocent, whiny tone he uses when he wants something from her. And bloody hell it always works. Her heart melts straight through her chest and oozes to the floor as she look up at his handsome face. "Oh Merlin," she sighs. "Of course I love you!" she finally confesses.

Merlin laughs and pulls her with him so they're standing in the middle of the road. There are no cars around, no music, no nothing. All they feel, is the rain on their skin. All they hear, is the rain hitting the ground. All they see, is the rain, washing away their regrets at having waited so long.

Merlin takes her right hand and lays it over his shoulder, before taking her left one and holding it firmly in his. "Dance with me?" he asks softly, a tiny smile forming on his lips.

She realizes that this, would be the first time they would actually dance in the rain. She accepts immediately, letting him twirl her around before pulling her back into his embrace. She looks up into the blue eyes of the only man who makes her feel like she belongs, and she tells him something she had always known deep down inside. "It doesn't matter where I am, or who I'm with." she smiles, knowing that she's going to spend the rest of her life with this man. "At the end of the day, you, Merlin, will always be my home." and while the rain continues to fall around them, Morgana and Merlin share their first of many kisses.

…

The End

…

A/N: SAP FEST! I know. But I really can't see any other way to write things. I'm just a giant sap. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. Please let me know what you guys think!

-McDiggin'It


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